The Pleasures of Uncertainty

Singles seeking true love may at one point have been told to play hard to get. But what exactly is being “hard to get”? Is it about sending mixed signals? If so, can mixed signals land you the date of your dreams?

Social scientists have long been aware of the concept of reciprocity: we like those who like us. But what happens if we are unsure of whether a person likes us or not? Will playing it cool increases another person’s interest long enough for you to get the other person interested?

The war of the sexes

No one wants to appear needy, clingy and desperate. We all want to be seen as confident, dashing and cool. In a recent study made on the behavior of “playing hard to get”, researchers from Harvard University discovered that women were more interested in men who did not show their interest over those who declared their interest in them.

Why would women find elusive men more attractive? Wouldn’t it be more practical to entertain men who openly expressed their interest? Researchers from Harvard University believe that the answer lies in a phenomenon called salience – the act of always thinking of something.

Salient information affects how we feel and think. And because you keep thinking about someone’s potential attraction to you, you spend more time thinking about them than those people you know is already attracted to you.

The Pleasures of Uncertainty

The Pleasures of Uncertainty
The question remains, why would we be more interested in someone who vaguely shows interest in us over someone who has declared his intentions? According to the study, our incapacity to adapt to uncertainty heightens our curiosity in the other person. Because the outcome is undetermined, we are incapable of adapting to the event resulting to frequent thoughts about the situation.

People often interpret frequent thoughts of a person to indicate attraction.

Will playing “hard to get” get you a date?

The studies suggest a positive answer. However, a subsequent study reveals that this can only happen when one party has made up his mind to pursue further relations with the other. Otherwise, there may be nothing there to begin with.

Is playing hard to get going to get you a date?

For a girl, getting a date is a matter of catching someone’s interest long enough for a guy to ask her out. This means letting the guy call you instead of you running after him.

Is playing hard to get going to get you a date?
For the guy, if he learns to play it cool and send the right signals at the right time, he can pique his favorite girl’s curiosity enough to convince her to say yes. This means being friendly but not too eager.

Playing hard to get is not about sending mixed signals. It’s about allowing rapport to be established long enough for both parties to decide if they want to move forward with each other. Guys, if you are interested in someone you’ve known for some time, you may want to lay the foundation first before asking her out properly. If you only have that moment to ask her out, you might want to establish some rapport first before dropping the question of asking for a date. Give the girl the opportunity to refuse you and chances are, she might just accept your offer. Girls, don’t rush pell mell at him. It’s about giving him time to make up his mind and testing his capacity to invest his time, and resources on you. Let him do the courting and prove his fidelity to you. Men like the thrill of the chase.

What do you think? Will “playing hard to get” get you a date? Share your thoughts and experience in the comments below.

No Comments Published: March 30th, 2014

Zorpia would you date a dog?Social networking is all about connecting. Forums,  likes, chats, and messages, one way or another, are all opportunities or attempts  to find that one person you can share yourself with. And while common sense dictates that people who want to make friends might want to look their best, there are still misfits who think that looking like Darth Vader is going to get others interested.

While the saying “to each his own” maybe true,  there’s gotta be a line drawn somewhere on what constitutes unacceptable behavior.

How are you coming across?

Zorpia would you date a dog?

Imagine receiving a note from someone whose profile picture is some bad ass demon baring fangs dripping with blood. Unless you’re expecting some email from satan, no ordinary girl would like to go out with an ugly git, much less accept a friend request. That goes for profile pictures of body parts that are best explored in the dark.

In social networking sites, our personality can only be seen through our profile pictures and the occasional comments in the forum (or a blog if the site allows for it).  When reaching out to potential mates, present yourself in a professional manner. Save the kinky stuff for later when you have both established rapport. Resist the urge to pass smart assed comments to shoot someone down. Aggressive behavior is not appealing to many netizens.

Are you a phony?

Zorpia Would you date a dog?

Do you want to end up in a relationship where you can’t be yourself? It’s always better to be authentic than starting a relationship based on a lie.

Passing yourself off as Jennifer Lawrence with that bow and arrow pose will certainly get you some hearts. But that’s cheating and mind you, no one likes a cheat. Transparency is good policy.

Nobody wants to end up with someone who turns out to be nothing like the one they met on a first date. While faking it till you make it might work on occasions, we believe that being honest from the start is the best approach.

Are you rushing things?

Zorpia would you date a dog?

You can’t rush the getting-to-know-you stage. Some immediately hit it off while others take a while to gather steam. Take the time to establish some familiarity before asking for personal contact info. Would you give your skype address to someone you just met? Probably not, most especially if it comes from someone with a rather questionable profile picture. (Again, think bad ass demon with fangs dripping with blood, ewwww!) While your audacity may be entertaining to some, ordinary people freak out from such aggressive behavior. In the real world, that kind of behavior is sure to get rebuffed.

Are you all me, me, me?

Zorpia would you date a dog?

Stop talking about yourself, you’re not running for public office. Conversation is a two way street and like a tennis match, you need to respond just as you need to pitch.  Give the other person an opportunity to chime in.

Hogging the conversation is force feeding.  Add value to your conversation by giving quality responses and letting the other party enjoy the conversation with you.  Learn the art of listening. It can open a lot of doors. People simply tune out if they don’t get anything from the encounter.

Do you handle rejection gracefully?

Zorpia would you date a dog?

So maybe you had an amazing first date, great conversation, chemistry, and then somehow you still get the brush off. It takes a really mature person to handle rejection gracefully. Some people can’t handle a brush off and retaliates with a hate campaign. While being amiable is always a plus, there are times when things don’t just turn out as we expect them to be.

Take a page and move on. The person who refused you is actually doing you a favor by bringing you a step closer to your ideal relationship.

Don’t fret. Someone better is bound to come.

Comments: 8 Published: March 18th, 2014