No one should be trapped in a relationship where there’s cheating going on. And while a careless cheater is easy to catch, there are some who seem to have mastered the art of stealthily juggling two (or even more!) people in his/her hands. If your intuition keeps bugging you that something about your partner is off, listen carefully and sharpen your senses.
Here are some cheater-catching things you can do:
1. Observe closely if there are some changes, no matter how subtle, in his ways toward you.
He/she doesn’t make much eye contact anymore like before? Something different with his/her tone when saying ‘I love you’? Though these are not conclusive, they could be telling of something. Stay observant.
2. Ask direct, nonchalant questions and notice his/her reaction.
Did he/she pause for a sec when asked directly about who called him/her yesterday in the middle of the night? Did he/she suddenly bring up a new topic too soon after you just talked about a dinner party he/she attended? While cheaters can try and somehow succeed at sounding ‘normal’, some things can still slip and give you some hints.
3. Express your interest to mingle with his/her circle and observe how he/she feels about the idea.
It is likely that someone, a confidante or two among his/her circle knows about the cheating you suspect. And if this person is trustworthy but talks a lot when drunk, your partner will not like the idea of you hanging out with them with his/her secret being spilled along with some beer.
4. Take mental note of inconsistencies with his/her words. Especially when coupled with a defensive tone.
‘We headed to the bar at around 8 after office’. After 2 days, his/her statement becomes ‘I had to work overtime the other day so I went home very late.’ Though this could be a simple case of forgetting the details, if inconsistencies like this become too often, you have to see it as a red flag. Remember, a lie will be covered up by another lie and so on until things don’t add up anymore.
5. He/she suddenly turns too romantic and sweet? Find out why.
A sudden, out-of-the-ordinary sweet gesture like sending you gifts or having a vacation trip with you is always welcome. But beware as this could just be a way to ease his/her conscience for a fling episode that happened earlier. What happens before and after a sudden sweet gesture is important because the key, again, is consistency. While inconsistency does not always mean he/she could be cheating, it could give away some clues and help you find out the truth.
So you found out that there’s some cheating going on? Address the issue as adults and make it clear that you don’t and can’t tolerate such. You want to go the forgive-and-forget route because you want to save what’s left of your relationship? Go ahead. You want him or her out of your life because trust is something you put a premium on? It’s your call. Just don’t allow yourself to be a victim in a relationship that keeps you in the dark. A loyal partner doesn’t deserve that. Period.
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